Last night, my family and I went out to dinner. After we were seated, we did the usual family routine: discuss what we’ll order, argue about whether or not the kids will be allowed soda, make sure everyone has an activity to keep them occupied until the food comes, etc.
Hubby and I were laughing about mistaking Hunan Vegetables for Human Vegetables, and wondering where one might obtain such a thing when an older man approached the table. With very little fanfare, he told us that when he and his wife are out to dinner, “kids at nearby tables get a dollar” from him. He handed a single dollar to each of my sons and continued on his way before we even had a chance to properly thank him. A minute later, our food came, and while it was being served, he and his wife walked out the door.
I was touched by the generosity of this stranger, and the boys were delighted to have a dollar to spend on something frivolous. I spent much of our meal pondering the motives of people who give money to kids for seemingly no reason. It’s not that I think there’s anything untoward about it; it’s more that it’s very much a relic of a by-gone era, at least in my part of the world. I did a bit of Googling, and it seems I’m not the only mom who has come across this practice and felt ambivalent about it. There’s a fair amount of “what would you do” questions on various mommy message boards, and it seems the moms are split between whether it’s sweet or uncomfortable. Those are the two reactions I had last night – first, how sweet and second, how strange.
Hubby, who we affectionately call “Daddy Hawk” because of his protectiveness of the kids, just kind of shrugged and kept eating his dinner when I finished thinking about my reaction and asked him what he thought. He’s often my barometer; I recognize that I can be hyper-vigilant about certain things, and if he’s not fussed about something, then I probably don’t need to be, either. Okay, I can accept that the man was simply generous, and that it’s an older generation thing. Can I let it go? Of course not! There has to be a teachable moment here.
The oldest had gone to the bathroom, so I took the opportunity to try to persuade the youngest that he should do something special with his dollar to honor the man’s generosity. “Oh yeah,” he agreed, “I’m going to spend it at…THE DOLLAR STORE!” I had to fight not to hang my head in shame. The oldest gets that spending your dollar at The Dollar Store equals spending your money on crap. The little one, though, he’s still a work in progress. I tried to convince him that, by special, I meant give the money to charity. He’s always asking me to put my money in one collection box or another, and here’s his opportunity! I told him about the Pay It Forward program at work, where 30 employees a year are randomly picked to gift $500 to a charity of their choice, on behalf of our employer. We talked about how glad we were to have adopted our two cats from Willy’s Kitty Angels, and how Mary Ellen volunteers her time, and how she could really use his dollar to help feed and vet the kitties who haven’t been adopted yet. In the midst of the conversation the oldest returned from the bathroom, and seemed to be pretty keen on the idea of giving his dollar to some worthy charity.
The youngest? Nope. Dollar Store.
In the end, I don’t mind if the kid wants to buy himself a chocolate bar with his dollar. It was a gift, and it should be his choice to spend it as he sees fit. I was just hoping I could give this generous man’s gesture some meaning that I can be comfortable with. I’d like my kids to learn that the dollar the man just handed them can easily be a candy bar, but it could be something bigger and more sustained if they choose to pass it on. I appreciate that the man gave only the dollar and no explanation, because I feel like he gave me a little gift, too – the opportunity to find my own meaning in his generosity.
The Dump Truck Driving Ballerina 